A Magical School for Magical Fools by Eric Stever

Author:Eric Stever
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: dragon humor, humour fantasy, magical school spoof, spaceballs for fantasy
Publisher: Looka Books
Published: 2022-05-27T00:00:00+00:00

GULCHIMA DID FEEL CONFIDENT, right up until she had to put on the socks.

They. Were. Horrible. And Gulchima had to put on the stinkiest and grossest socks first. She sat on a settee and got to work. The worst pair smelled as if someone had dipped them in milk, then left them in a cauldron of liquefied ox poop for several decades. Even the after-stink on her hands was too much. Gulchima held back the wave of vomit trying to elbow its way out of her stomach. Would vomit make things smell better?

“Why are smelly socks always damp?” Gulchima asked. “These haven’t been worn for several years.”

“I think it’s smelldensation,” Hubward said. “Like how fog becomes droplets of water.” Using tongs, he held the next pair of socks out to her.

“But with smell? Besides, that’s not a real word.” Gulchima put on another pair of socks, over top of the last pair.

“I said ‘smelldensation’. There’s no reason it’s not real just because it’s not a word. Lots of real things don’t have words attached to them.”

“Name one.”

Hubward thought for a moment. “Flurgh. It’s the sound of a chair scraping against the bare floor in the middle of a quiet room.”

“That’s not a word. Use it in the sentence.”

“Okay, ‘Children, please flurgh in your chairs before class starts.’”

Gulchima shook her head. She opened her mouth to reply, but she could taste the stink from the next pair of socks, so she clopped it shut. At last, Gulchima had donned several pairs of socks. It was plan time.

“Gulchima, you’re a stinky feast!” Hubward said. He moved to the opposite side of the room, covering his mouth and nose with the crook of his arm.

Gulchima carefully placed her foot on the blue carpet. She stood up and took one step toward the covered window. So far, so good.

“If my plan works, the Soccodile will make a run at the covered window and fall to its doom.” She waited. Gulchima saw the approaching carpet lump out of the corner of her eye. She felt a rush of wind against her leg, nothing more. But two of her pairs of socks were missing.

“Okay, those were appetizers,” Hubward said helpfully.

She took another step. Now the lump whirled. The Soccodile must have gotten a taste of something it truly wanted.

The door opened and Skullduggan came in. “Just wanted to see how things were moving along.”

Hubward shushed him.

The Soccodile headed full speed for her. Gulchima screamed for effect, then pretended to run clumsily and slowly toward the wall. She ran to the covered window and sprung onto her hands, waving her feet in the air.

The Soccodile leapt up, breaking free from the edge of the carpet.

For the first time, she saw it clearly. It was indeed a relative of the crocodile. And it was massive.

Judging from its scaly head, the monster must be at least fifteen feet long. Gulchima felt the cool air against her bare toes and watched helplessly as the yellow-eyed Soccodile wheeled against the far wall, where it thought it would slam into something solid.

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